Pandering for politicians 3.0: Yikes, the cookie monster!

Mitt Romney Would Rather Starve Than Touch That Mass-Produced Poor-Person Cookie

By Julie Weiner
Thursday, April 18, 2012

7-Eleven cookie

Mitt Romney’s mainframe continues to be unable to handle such basic functions like PANDER 3.0. Earlier this cycle, we watched as Romney was unable to answer a simple question about whether he enjoys NASCAR racing, while at a NASCAR race, and instead essentially changed the subject to the tremendous wealth of some of his friends. And as evidenced by Romney’s appearance at a Pittsburgh-area picnic on Tuesday, his human technicians have yet to fix the bug.

At an outdoor roundtable with some Pennsylvania voters, Romney was offered lemonade and cookies. You can imagine what fresh public-relations havoc this offering wrought. “I’m not sure about these cookies,” Romney said. “Did you make those cookies? You didn’t, did you? No. No. They came from the local 7-Eleven bakery or wherever.”

Soooooo grossssss. Ewwww. These cookies are, like, bought at a store where people can get gas right outside? That customers pump themselves? What are you, competing with the service class? Grosssss. Get this cookie away from me before it insists I claim it as a dependent.

That the cookies came from some “beloved local bakery,” Bethel Bakery, is just the icing on the low-rent Entenmann’s Coffee Cake. (According to The Hill, the bakery “is running a ‘Cookie Gate special’ on Thursday, giving away half a dozen cookies with the purchase of a dozen.” The Democratic National Committee and 7-Eleven are also mock-offended, though not nearly as charmingly.)

Seriously, can someone get that cookie out of here? Before it demands a 529 college savings plan?

Last Word To The Wall Street Journal

 "Let him eat cake next time."