When the Queen's English is not spoken in Queensland court!

Good Day Readers:

A special thank you to one of our west coast readers for sending this along. Counted the F-word or one of its derivatives 10-times. How many words can you think of in the English language that do it all - noun, adjective, adverb, verb .....?

Sincerely,
Clare L. Pieuk

When a judge's lot proves a bit of a trial
By Chris Merritt
Friday, June 8, 2012

UNTIL very late yesterday, this column was going to be about the serious matters outlined in the long-delayed Skehill report on the federal justice system.

But all that changed when 11 pages of glorious transcript from the Queensland Supreme Court dropped out of the sky.

It was a case before judge Martin Daubney who had the task of dealing with a defendant who was representing himself. He had sacked his solicitor and his barrister had withdrawn from the case.

It took place on Monday and was a preliminary hearing. After some interesting exchanges, Justice Daubney managed to remand the defendant in custody for a trial that was due to start soon after.

Here are the highlights from the transcript, edited to eliminate anything that could identify the defendant:

Defendant: F--k you and your trial, mate. Stick your trial up your f--kin' arse. I'll go.

Justice Daubney: Sit down Mr X.


Defendant: I don't even know what you're f--kin' talking about, mate. You're talking but not in the lingo language."

Justice Daubney: Well, if you -- if you stop shouting at me and listen to what I'm saying you might start to understand.

Defendant: No I can't.

Justice Daubney: What I want you to do is stop swearing at me and listen to me.

Defendant: I'm not going to f--king stop swearing at you.

Justice Daubney: All right then, it's a matter for you.

Defendant: You can stick your f--king trial up your arse.

Justice Daubney: Well that won't be happening to me, Mr X.

Defendant: You can start your trial and stick it up your arse, I'm not having anything to do with it.

Justice Daubney: Sit down
.
Defendant: No you get . . .

Justice Daubney: Sit.

Defendant: No, get stuffed.

Justice Daubney: If you don't sit I will have you manacled.

Defendant: You can f--king have what you like, mate.

Justice Daubney: Corrective Services, could you please restrain the accused. Sit.

Defendant: F--k you.

Justice Daubney: The next people you see entering the court . . .

Defendant: I couldn't give a shit what you're saying.

Justice Daubney: . . . are the court security staff . . .

Defendant: Oh, what do you want me to do? What do you want? A Mickey Mouse badge?

Justice Daubney: No.

Defendant: Stick it on your fat chest. Hey? What do you want? . . . Come on fatso, what have you got to say for that?

Bailiff: On their way up, your honour.

Justice Daubney: You are not to move, do you understand me?

Defendant: Oh get f--ked.

Justice Daubney: Is there anything you want to say in relation to me making an order . . .

Defendant: Yeah, I don't know what you're f--king talking about, you silly old c---.

Justice Daubney: In which case, thank you for that submission.