Hey, Duffy, Wallin, Harb, Brazeau et. al. ..... Duhhhhh .....

Dear Senate: sign here
By Scott Feschuk
Thursday, June 13, 2013


Feschuk On The Famous

Scott Feschuk skewers just about everyone, from senior politicians to F-list celebrities. Follow Scott on Twitter: @scottfeschuk

From The Senate of Canada
Senate Expense Allowance Form

Duhhhhh ..... (Photo illustration by Sarah MacKinnon)

To hear if from the Senators caught up in various forms of investigation, audit or scandal, much of the fault lies with the Senate's paperwork THAT's the reason they're in so much trouble. Is there any merit to this? Let's take a closer look:

Name: ________________________________
Province Represented: ___________________

In the event of gross impropriety, would you like to be secretly bailed out by the PM's Chief of Staff? (Circle one):

a) Yes
b) Yes, please

You won't blab it around town, leading to the bailout becoming public knowledge and costing the Chief of Staff his job, will you? (Circle one)

a) Um
b) Well, I uhhh ...

I. Housing allowance

As a Senator, you are entitled to an annual tax-free allowance of up to $22,000 if:

Your primary residence is located more than 100 km from Parliament Hill

or

You would like to have $22,000

Total Claim: $ __________

II. Travel Expenses

Senators are permitted to take business-class flights at public expense between Ottawa and the province they represent, or between Ottawa and any place they'd like to go, or just for the free meals and those warm towel thingies. Please complete the following equation:

Total cost of all flights taken: $ __________

+ Total cost of all flights imagined: $ __________

+Average air-speed volicity of an unladen swallow (in km/h): $ __________

= Total Claim: $ __________

III. Hospitality Expenses

When claiming expenses related to dining Senators MUST attach itemized receipts or draw a picture of their food from memory. Bar bills in excess of $250 MUST be accompanied by a pretty decent guesstimate and/or one (1) hilarious anecdote.

Total Claim: $ __________