Duhhhhhhhhhhhhh?

Good Day Readers:

Unfortunately, this National Post article doesn't tell us how much these geniuses were paid to reach such earth shattering conculsions.

Sincerely,
Clare L. Pieuk
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The Science Of 'Duh'
Every year, researchers produce valuable work that adds to the academic canon. They also produce studies such as these, which we fondly salute as 2008's science from the Department of the Blindingly Obvious

Scott Stinson/Kelly McParland
National Post
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Page A3
Exercise helps people lose weight, as does changing eating habits, a university study concluded this year.

EXERCISE IS BENEFICIAL

This is a subject that has become a staple of the Department of the Blindingly Obvious, in part due to the baffling amount of research that seems to be aimed at determining whether exercise is, in fact, good for you. And once again, the answer is: yes. People who added 20 to 40 minutes of walking a day lost a small but steady amount of weight, according to researchers at the University of Michigan. The lead researcher also noted that changing eating habits could help lose even more weight, in what seems a shameless attempt at lining up grant money for a follow-up study.

WOMEN DON'T LIKE TO BE TOLD THEY LOOK FAT

A national survey found 68% of men have lied when asked by a woman: "Do I look fat in this?" The other 32% of respondents were said to have recently been dumped by their girlfriends or wives.

SMOKING IS NOT SO GOOD FOR YOU

University of Waterloo scientists conducted a study that established that smoking, which is hazardous absolutely every place it is pursued, including the house, the office, in elevators, crowded rooms, uncrowded rooms, lobbies, bus shelters, bars, restaurants, small caves in southern France, in the upstairs bathroom when you think your parents won't notice and in every other conceivable location, is also dangerous in cars. The study said second-hand smoke "reaches unhealthy levels in cars, even under realistic ventilation conditions," which is scientist-speak for "with the window open a crack."

PEOPLE NOT SO HONEST ONLINE

Students reveal more on Facebook than they would face-to-face, driven by "a desire to be popular and craft an alluring online personality," a study from the University of Guelph found. Most had posted their birthday (96%), e-mail address (85%) and relationship status (81%) online, but just only 4% shared their home address. The study also found students were likely to post pictures of themselves and their friends, but unlikely to do so if they were "naked or partially naked." And then, only as part of their desire to craft an alluring online personality.

CHILDREN ARE A LITTLE FRIGHTENED BY CLOWNS

Researchers from the British University of Sheffield who were examining how to improve the decor of hospital children's wards found all the 250 patients aged between four and 16 disliked the use of clowns, with even the older ones finding them scary. "As adults we make assumptions about what works for children," said Penny Curtis, a senior lecturer at the university. "We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them quite frightening." Those that didn't find them scary felt that, as a decor element, they were trite and cliched.

CARING FOR WOUNDED SOLDIERS IS DIFFICULT

Relatives of young, wounded veterans released from active military duty with severe disabilities have more financial and health difficulties than any other group of caregivers, determined a team of researchers at University of Alberta. And you thought that looking after someone who has suffered grievous physical trauma was all a lark.

PEOPLE HATE WORKING IN CALL CENTRES

Canada's half-a-million call-centre workers are suffering higher rates of stress and emotional difficulty than those in other industries, a national study found. And here we thought having people hang up on you all day, often after much cursing, would be a rewarding experience.

PEOPLE ARE INTRIGUED BY SEX

A survey by a French research firm resulted in this conclusion from a consultant who was no doubt paid a lot of money for her work: "Sex sells whatever the medium," said Sheily Lemon of International Medias Consultants Associes. We were also pleased by this line in the report on television-viewing habits: "The 2007-2008 season was marked partly by the return of game shows, many of the games depending greatly on chance." Game shows are based on chance? Who would have thought?

POOR PEOPLE MORE LIKELY TO TAKE THE BUS

A Statistics Canada study found workers in the Toronto region under the age of 25 were more likely to pick "green" commuting options than their older co-workers, who presumably make more money and thus have better options than packing themselves into a crowded streetcar twice a day.

RICH FOLK MORE LIKELY TO USE COMPUTERS

Statistics Canada's annual Internet Use Survey once again provides a litany of not-terribly-surprising information. Young, rich, urban-dwelling folk are more likely to spend a lot of time on computers than, say, poor seniors living in remote communities. Also, apparently that Facebook is popular with the kids.

PEOPLE LIE ABOUT THEIR WEIGHT

McMaster University researchers found that people self-report themselves at a lower weight than they actually are. The most likely to under-report their weight were people who qualify as "obese," according to their body mass index. They were also most likely to finish those fries if you were done with them.

PEOPLE WHO WORK IN BARS TEND TO DRINK MORE

Research from George Washington University found 15% of hospitality industry employees have alcohol problems, a proportion higher than any other industry, including, say, the clergy. The crack research team also determined that "proximity to and availability of alcohol" were partly to blame for why bartenders and waitresses like their tipple.

CRITICS OF GOVERNMENT WASTE MIGHT FIB ON THEIR TAX RETURNS

Or, put another way: "People who think the federal government is spending public money unwisely are more likely to believe that it is acceptable to cheat on their taxes, according to research prepared for the Canada Revenue Agency." But even the honest tax payers were not about to tell their wives they look fat in those jeans.

BULLIES DO NOT PLAY WELL WITH OTHERS

A University of Toronto study found that children who consistently bully tend to be "morally disengaged and lack compassion for their victims and guilt for their actions," according to a report in The Globe and Mail. This contradicts earlier theories that bullies are actually just lovable children who think other kids enjoy having their lunch mashed into their face at recess.

TIRED PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES

Overburdened nurses who routinely work hours of overtime are more likely to make mistakes with medication, according to a Statistic Canada study. The report showed feeling overloaded, stretched staffing and resources and a lack of support from co-workers all were linked to medication error by nurses. Also, having to deal with that prickly Dr. House.

TEENAGED DRIVERS LESS CAREFUL THAN SENIORS

Older drivers are more likely to drive responsibly when they have passengers in their car than younger drivers, said researchers from the University of Windsor. They are also more likely to drive slowly in the right-hand lane with their blinkers still on.

PEOPLE ARE NOT SO HONEST ONLINE (II)

Matches made over the Internet often do not last because people end up choosing unsuitable partners and forming emotional bonds before meeting face-to-face, an Australian researcher found. Matthew Bambling of the Queensland University of Technology presumably conducted a rigourous technical analysis before providing the following summary to Reuters: "You can never assume things are the way they seem online."

MEDIA COVERAGE AFFECTS PUBLIC OPINION

Research from McMaster University found that diseases that show up frequently in the print media -- such as SARS or avian flu -- are considered more serious than similar diseases that do not receive the same kind of coverage, such as yellow fever. Unless you're a hypochondriac, in which case they all terrify you equally. And you might be coming down with something. You might want to get that looked at.

GETTING FIRED IS DISAPPOINTING

University of Toronto research found that a pink slip can be disappointing even to people who consider themselves optimistic. "Even if your general outlook is positive, losing a job can significantly alter how you evaluate your life," one professor noted. Optimists also tended to find it disappointing when they were romantically dumped, a pet died or they whacked their thumb with a hammer.

ROMANTIC COMEDIES ARE PERHAPS A BIT UNREALSTIC

The grandly named Family and Personal Relationships Laboratory at Heriot-Watt University in Edinburgh -- which sounds like a place where scientists in yellow HAZMAT suits intently study episodes of Dr. Phil-- determined that fans of such romantic comedies as Notting Hill, You've
Got Mail and While You Were Sleeping developed unrealistic expectations of love. They found such fans had stronger beliefs in fate and predestined love and also that they often
"fail to communicate with their partner." This is probably because if they did communicate with their partner, he would say no thanks to the prospect of sitting through another Sandra Bullock movie. A study in the journal Current Anthropology found that, and we quote, "The use of clothing among Australian Aborigines in relation to their thermal environment indicates that clothing was a behavioural adaptation to cold exposure." This is a fancy way of saying people with chilly toes are more likely to wear socks.