Divorce gift? "Till death do us part?"

Divorce in Style Geraldine Fabrikant
May 13, 2011 Charles Bronfman with his wife are divorcing

CHARLES Bronfman and his wife, Bonnie, are inviting 100 of their friends to an elegant evening of cocktails for what they hope will be a once-in-a-lifetime event.

The occasion? Their pending divorce.

The event isn’t likely to approach the extravagance of their wedding party less than three years ago, when they invited 200 guests to a seated dinner at the Four Seasons restaurant in the Seagram Building. The first-time bride wore an off-white, long silk gown by Angel Sanchez, and guests danced to the music of Peter Duchin.

Still, the party has engraved invitations with a request for business attire and an effusive statement about the couple’s affection for each other. It is signed, “Fondly, Bonnie and Charles.”

Some of those invited have found the whole idea odd.

Mr. Bronfman, the former chairman of the Seagram Company, and Mrs. Bronfman, an architect, explained that their “friendship is stronger without being married” and that they wanted to thank their friends for the support. On the invitation, they wrote that they looked forward “to continuing these relationships with everyone.”

Mr. Bronfman’s lawyer, William Zabel of Schulte Roth & Zabel, said, “Many people would consider this a very civilized divorce.”

But a divorce party does raise some interesting questions of etiquette and logistics.

Whom do you invite?

Friends and family from the New York area. Traveling may be expected for a wedding but not necessary for a divorce.
What about gifts?

Not necessary. Even for their wedding they suggested that guests make charitable donations in lieu of gifts (a move that discounts any whisperings about whether wedding presents might be returned).

If everything is so harmonious, why the divorce? (Mr. Bronfman is a billionaire whose wealth Forbes put at $2 billion. “She must have had a great prenuptial,” said one socialite, who requested anonymity since she was not familiar with the financials.)

Mr. Bronfman and Bonnie Roche were introduced by Michael Steinhardt, the former hedge fund manager and a longtime Bronfman family friend, after Mr. Bronfman’s second wife, Andrea, was hit by a taxi and killed when she went out to walk their dog. (His previous marriage had ended in divorce.) “It was love at first sight,” Mr. Steinhardt recalled. They wed six months after meeting.

But in a joint phone interview last week, Mr. Bronfman, 79, said: “Our differences were in everything we do. We thought those differences could mesh, but we found out the opposite. So we thought, why not tell our friends and thank them for helping us out?”

He continued: “Bonnie is an intellectual. I am anything but. I like Florida in the winter. I like golf. I play some tennis. I don’t want to go to lectures. Our lifestyles are totally different. I thought she could show me areas of New York, and my world will be expanded,” he added.

“Guess what?” he said. “It didn’t work.”

What crystallized the decision to divorce was a Fifth Avenue apartment they bought six months ago. Many couples argue about decorating their homes, but these two never even started work on theirs.

“We decided not to renovate until we decided whether to stay together,” Mr. Bronfman said. “About five weeks ago, we made that decision.”

Mrs. Bronfman, 65, said that she had recently gone back into designing and that “it showed both of us how deeply happy I was in that environment.” She plans to keep her married name socially because, she said, she’s part of the family.

As they wrote on their invitations: “As we change the parameters of our relationship, our mutual admiration and caring is constant.”