Thursday, February 23, 2012

Law Courts urban legends revealed!

Good Day Readers:

It all started recently when a couple Law Courts staffers told us about an elegant fountain that once flowed on the main floor as you pass through perimeter security. You've likely never noticed it because sadly it's now camouflaged by plants but once it's crystal clear blue flowing water bubbled along as it supported a mini eco system. Depressingly, today it's dry as a bone and has been prematurely silenced. These employees have never seen a single drop in their 7-years but offered it had been shut down because it caused those working in the area to increase their trips to the bathroom.

After laughing until we almost peed our pants we were assured our leg (sorry for the bad pun) was not being pulled. So as CNN's Anderson Cooper is given to saying we were able to independently verify this story by talking to a couple Law Courts veterans and indeed it is true. It seems at least 15-years ago that majestic fountain's noise distracted employees working in the area to the point where trips to the bathroom spiked. And to think later in life you laughed at your parents when recalling how they'd run the water to get you to pee. Thought it was was an old wives' tale did we?

We apologize for the feeble attempt at a fountain above but on such short notice that was best we could do. Hopefully, none of you will get so excited you have an accident.

Here's the deal Law Courts Administration. If you sell the fountain and use the proceeds to buy a nice fish tank we'll offer to feed the fish and even clean it as required - hell, we've almost been living there since the Joel and Magdalena Labossiere, Michel Hince-Jerome Labossiere and now Mark Stobbe murder trials began.What about something like this?

Notice it's soothing, relaxing and silent so shouldn't stress employees or cause a spike in their number of pees.

As for the tunnel linking The Legislature and Law Courts we assumed was built for easy access by corrupt politicians to their trials, yes, it does indeed exist, however, today it is used to support utility lines. In fact, it's part of an underground system which also links the Norquay Building directly across from the main courthouse entrance. There's also another one from the Remand Centre to the Law courts for the transfer of prisoners back and forth.

The final urban legend on which we're working are the soiled carpets in courtrooms 230 and 117 (they're may be others) that do not reflect normal wear and tear. It's almost as though a herd of dogs were let loose to have a group pee-in. Two staffers we've consulted thus far have no explanation so we've asked a third. Stay tuned.

Clare L. Pieuk


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