Wednesday, June 04, 2014

The honkin mother of all constituency mail-outs?

"OMG, WOW! That's a truly awesome posting CyberSmokeBlog!"

Good Day Readers:

Irony of ironies. Sometimes fate has a way of intervening when least expected. No sooner had CyberSmokeBlog finished putting the final touches on it's posting about constituent mail-outs (immediately below), what arrived if not a Big, honkin mother of one from its Member of Parliament Shelly "The Shelly" Glover.

No less than eight, two-colour 11 1/2" x 17 1/2 " bilingual pages with 13 pictures (everyone looking happy as hell of course). Strangely missing was one with "Justice" Vic "No Gem" Toews who made a point (not once but at least once) at his recent swearing in of thanking her on behalf of Manitoba's Federal Judicial Advisory Selection Committee whose nomination was ultimately approved by federal Justice Minister Peter "Helicopter Pete" McKay seen here delivering the appointment notice to Mr. Toews while well into his 2015 campaign mode.
Here's what almost made CSB violently ill/nauseous.
Dear Constituents,

How would you like to live in the most patriotic riding in Canada? With glowing hearts and true patriot love, we can make it happen.

To demonstrate our love for Canada, a number of my colleagues and I have launched the Proud to Be Canadian campaign. The idea is to get as many residents of our riding and other ridings (ideally, everyone from coast to coast !) to display a Canadian Flag leading up to, and on, Canada Day.

The winner will be granted the title of
Most Patriotic Riding in Canada
Saint Boniface has placed second in the recent past, and this year we can finish first! Please help!Your participation will make a difference.

To participate, place the enclosed flag on a window or door where it is visible to the public and fill out the reply card to notify my office of your participation. Letting me know that you are participating is crucial if you want your home to be counted in the official tally, so please remember to do so. Help us win the title of "Most Patriotic Riding in Canada!"

Shelly Glover
Shelly Glover, MP

Attached was a postage paid reply card addressed to her Ottawa Office containing a check-off list.:

Show your pride!
Will you display a flag in the weeks leading up to Canada Day?

1. Yes! Count me in as a proud Canadian!
2.. Yes! I display a flag year round!
3. I'm not interested in participating.

Are you a (check all that apply):

Parent of a child under 18

Given she's a Conservative you've got to figure the veterans will be lined up around the block to participate in her campaign. Notice the above is a not too subtle way of collecting personal data for her 2015 election campaign.

What makes this even more ironic is just yesterday CSB made its annual visit to Ms Glover's constituency office to return a bundle of her flyers it had collected over the past year from apartment lobby floors/ recycling bins so she could save printing costs by sending them out again.
It was served by one of her little waif workers.

CyberSmokeBlog's Participation Terms and Conditions

If with a glowing heart and true patriot love you ("The Shelly") support CSB's campaign to become Canada's honkin, mother of all Canadian patriotic blogs, it will reciprocate but first there are a few little conditions:

(1) You immediately plaster your constituency office inside and out with signs proclaiming, Home of CyberSmokeBlog Canada's most patriotic blog plus add it on the plaza's marquee so drivers passing by  will see it.

(2) You publish a list of Conservative ridings (with numbers) and where they finished in the competition so readers don't have to take your word that Saint Boniface finished second last year. It would also be useful knowing who finished last so CSB can give it the recognition it deserves

(3) All patriotic flyers CyberSmokeBlog rescues from the floors of apartment lobbies/recycling bins and delivers to your constituency office be subtracted from the official final total (one for one) for the number of Saint Boniface patriots

(4) You publish the number of veterans who supported your campaign

(5) Replace those two paper Canadian flags in your mail-out CSB received with the real thing from either of your offices it matters not which. In return CyberSmokeBlog will proudly display it in a window or on a door

(6) Of the 60 Queen's 60th Jubilee Metals that were allocated to each MP, your staff advised one was not awarded. That it be presented to CyberSmokeBlog at a special ceremony for beyond outstanding service to the community. If it has otherwise disappeared/been misplaced, take the one Vic Toews gave to Mike Sutherland, President of the Winnipeg Police Association who sat on "No Gem's" Manitoba's Federal Judiciary Advisory Selection Committee

(7) A heavily subsidized "fully loaded" meal at the Parliamentary "Cafeteria" in Ottawa meaning you pay and CSB gets to order as much as it wants of whatever. God that fresh British Columbia smoked salmon is good but the best part of all is it won't cost you an arm and a leg

(8) You publish the total taxpayer cost of the mail-out   

(9) You publicize the results of the Ethics Commissioner's investigation into the Tupperware style gathering you had at one of your constituent's homes (last February) to raise money later apologizing all over yourself and denying everything

(10) Here's the deal breaker. Perhaps a little trip down memory lane is in order:

(i) Remember on the eve of the 2011 federal election, CyberSmokeBlog received a voice mail from no other than, yes, Mike Duffy extolling your virtues and telling it how to vote for you. CSB then e-mailed you to ask how much he was paid for his efforts given surely CSB wasn't the only one to receive such a call. Only the automatically generated e-mail, "Thank you very much we really like to hear from constituents we'll be back in touch within 4-5 weeks ... blah ... blab ... blab ... bla" was received. There was no follow up. Got the bum's rush you might say

(ii) Fast forward and now Mr. Duffy is a celebrity of sorts for allegations he'd done purely partisan work for which he'd charged expenses to certain other ridings in which he'd appeared (as well expensing the Senate) plus charged Senate per diems - double dipping?

(iii) Again, CyberSmokeBlog contacted your office to remind you no response had been received. Again it was that automatically generated e-mail (blab ... blab ... blab) but this time there was follow up. In a damage control type response, sounding as though it had come right out of the Prime Minister's Office given to Conservative MPs to respond to these types of questions, essentially it said how ....ed off you were and that the Tories were trying to pass legislation to prevent this from ever happening again but, naturally, the Opposition Parties were blocking your efforts

(iv) Back came CyberSmokeBlog with but you didn't answer the question lady. Yet again another automated "blab ... blab ... blab ..." e-mail but again no follow up

(v) Last summer while making its annual drop off of used Shelly Glover mail-outs, CSB chatted with one of your young, shiny faced office workers. It took him through the aforementioned journey while he made copious notes promising a response. To date still none the ultimate in bum's rush!    

Provide CyberSmokeBlog with an accurate answer, accept the above conditions and there may be room to negotiate!

Advice for Dapper Dan "The Man" Vandal

Long time Winnipeg Councillor Dan Vandal recently won the Liberal nomination for Saint Boniface.
Ladies! Ladies! Ladies ..... please try to control yourselves!

The 2015 election will be one of the most hotly contested in recent memory given how the Harper government has managed to .... off so many voters. Face it, Ottawa has already been in pre-election mode for at least the past 18-months. "Dapper" needs to get off his arse to start campaigning when he does has CyberSmokeBlog got a can't miss winning slogan for you.

Dapper Dan the Man an honest politician - No Scandal Vandal!

Suggestion: You need to do a better job answering your e-mail.

Clare L. Pieuk

Saint Boniface, Manitoba Home of Canada's Most Patriotic Blog!


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